Since I’ve been on a lower dose of Invega, I’ve noticed that I’ve had more spoons for maintaining my hygiene. This may be coincidental, or it may be causative.

In retrospect, during my adult years, my poor hygiene correlates with increases in my Invega dose. 2011-2019 were probably the most unhygienic years for me, and that coincides with being on 9-12 mg of Invega. Invega causes me to be fatigued and drowsy during the day, which means I have less spoons for maintaining my hygiene. Also, it’s one thing to not have energy for maintaining my hygiene, but it’s another to simply not care about it. Whatever Invega does to my brain chemistry that reduces positive symptoms of psychosis somehow also makes me care less about my hygiene. Barring other possible reasons, if it is the case that Invega causes me to care less about hygiene, then I would expect to get my “normal” pre-Invega hygiene habits back if I were weened off completely. It’s almost like Invega decreased positive symptoms of psychosis and traded them off for an increase in negative symptoms.

Before Invega, I cared a lot about my hygiene, sometimes even irrationally so. 2003-2006 me would never let me go a day without showering or cleaning my teeth. But, maybe this reflects more my values regarding hygiene back then compared to my values from 2011-2019. And the uptick in hygiene-consciousness today could be related to my general mental health improvement, which in turn could be related to natural changes in my brain as I’ve aged. Another possibility is that my reclusiveness could affect whether I consider taking care of my hygiene to be worth it. But if that were the case, then it wouldn’t explain why I’m more hygiene-conscious today, because I’m still just as reclusive. I want to be and feel clean for my own comfort and peace of mind.

I haven’t noticed any significant uptick in positive symptoms of psychosis since I’ve been on 4.5 mg of Invega (since early September). My general anxiety and social anxiety have remained about the same, with better and worse days, as usual. I’ve been more talkative, more energy to vocally and verbally express what’s on my mind. In fact, I feel like I’ve had more “content” available on my mind to express. The relation between energy levels, verbal/vocal expression/articulation, and thought content is not clear to me. Paranoia-related intrusive thoughts are not as prominent today, or they are more easily dispelled by reason.

Someone on Twitter a while back asked if I’ve ever been hospitalized. I never really needed to be. My personality made me more withdrawn and wanting to isolate. I’ve had times of paranoia-influenced quarrelsome behavior with other people, but it was never to the point of being a danger to myself or others. I also had other more intense moments, but if I describe those here then I would be airing my dirty laundry, so I won’t do that. For the most part, I’ve felt in control of my behavior. To qualify the previous statement: I’m more outspoken and comfortable expressing my thoughts and feelings in text on the Internet, so my social inhibitions are lower for what I consider appropriate to express verbally. If I feel paranoid and suspicious of people on the Internet, I’m more likely to express it verbally and confront them, whereas in person I’m more likely to escape, withdraw, and avoid confrontation.