I recently mentioned having a “schizoid temperament”, and I’m wondering to what extent my temperament is genuinely schizoid, or if it can be explained by other things.

According to sources on Wikipedia, schizoid personality disorder “is characterized by a lack of interest in social relationships”, also known as asociality, “a tendency toward a solitary or sheltered lifestyle, reservedness, emotional coldness, detachment, and apathy.” I’m going to unpack what this means and whether or not I fit the bill.

Asociality

I don’t have a lack of interest in social relationships. I actively seek out and interact with like-minded people online. I don’t do this in person. In person, I’m reserved, standoffish, I avoid social interaction, and I prefer to be alone doing solitary activities. I don’t feel comfortable in social settings unless I’m with family. From self-observation, the primary reason for this is because I don’t see much of a point in socializing, small talk, or potentially putting myself into anxiety-inducing situations. I’ve kind of implicitly learned that most people I encounter in person will not share my values, beliefs, and interests, and this is a source of social anxiety, feeling disconnected, and lack of interest. This is true even among family, so I tend to avoid my special interest topics and instead just go with the flow of the room conversation. An example justification for this that isn’t just hypothetical: A family member asked about an EFF sticker on the back of my car. EFF is the Electronic Frontier Foundation, and they focus on privacy and digital rights for consumers of technology. I wasn’t able to explain this with speech, and what came out of my mouth was “it’s a computer thing”, hoping the subject would change or that it will be enough for them to not ask further questions. My “obsessions”, or special interests as they are called, often make it hard for me to stay even at family gatherings, though I do try to hold out for the sake of my family. I know they would prefer me to be there, and I think family gatherings are good for a healthy family dynamic. I’m fortunate to not have a dysfunctional family where people don’t speak to or see each other. But my special interests call to me, so I end up usually leaving early.

I think any asociality I exhibit is primarily due to social anxiety and introversion, or possibly autism. I have no interest in changing this behavior, and I don’t think it has an adverse effect on my general psychological well-being. I’m perfectly happy doing solitary activities and interacting with people online. It’s weird how other people will typical-mind and project their own values onto this sort of lifestyle, for example by saying things like “I’d be so unhappy if I was stuck at home all the time, you gotta get out and do things and socialize.” It’s weird because their intention is to be empathetic, e.g., “how would I feel in his situation?”, but what they end up doing is imagining my situation from the context of their own values and interests. If you’re extraverted, then of course you’d be unhappy in a solitary, sheltered lifestyle. They mistake their own values and personality preferences as being what all humans should aspire to.

Emotional coldness, detachment, and apathy

I wouldn’t describe myself as emotionally cold and detached. At least I don’t feel that way when I’m at home in my comfort zone. However, in person, I do often feel disconnected from others, and this may manifest as standoffishness and apathy. I’m friendly and cordial with strangers in public, even when I harbor paranoid suspicions about them. The paranoid suspicions I have don’t tend to be things that would make it difficult to be friendly and cordial, and even when they are, I’m usually theoretically aware of the difference between my brain and the external world, so I try not to let my suspicions govern my behavior, nor do I like drawing negative attention to myself.

The Wikiepdai article for schizoid personality disorder mentions an association with dismissive-avoidant attachment style. My attachment style is more anxious-avoidant, which fits with the theory that any schizoid traits I exhibit can be explained better by social anxiety, agoraphobia, and introversion – or, again, possibly autism.

Another thing mentioned in the Wikipedia article is that schizoid people feel like they are detached observers of their own behavior. Big check mark for this one, but I think that’s just where my paranoia overlaps. This is also not exclusively a schizoid trait.

In the early days of my mental illness, I used to have what I would describe as “delusionally-influenced stilted speech”. This is no longer the case today, or at least as far as I’m aware, and is probably due in large part to medication, and in no small part to gaining social experience, and social and emotional maturity.