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hyperreal.coffee

I wish I could taper off my meds

Content warning: mental health and medication

What I really wish I could do is taper off my meds as a sort of experiment. Sometimes I doubt whether I really need them.

What that would look like is that I'd need to be 100% sequestered for the duration of the tapering plus 6 months after the final dose. No responsibilities other than self-care. Sort of like a controlled rehab type thing.

I'd also need something like a benzodiazepine to help with the surge in anxiety and paranoia, but I'm not sure if that would be good because I don't want to become dependent on them.

No stimulants other than cigarettes and a drastic reduction in coffee intake (like to one cup a day). Cigarettes do make life more tolerable in the moment, and I can't imagine going through medication withdrawal without them. I could try to reduce the quantity I smoke. Without the medication balancing out my anxiety level, I'd probably end up reducing my intake of stimulants anyway due to operant conditioning, pairing the behavior (using the stimulant) with the unpleasantness of the uptick in anxiety.

I'd need to have all the comforts of home to help cope with withdrawal. It probably would be a good idea to somehow block social media so that I'm not tempted to let the monkeys run wild. Or maybe just keep it limited to posting feeling emojis and requesting support, as an Exposure Response Prevention sort of thing.

All this is probably unrealistic, but a guy can dream, I guess. If I had to bargain for it, I'd settle with tapering off of the current meds and trying out new ones that don't have the side effects, or where the side effects are less common.

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Last updated: 2022-07-28